Wednesday 28th October 2015- Giving up hope now….Life really is not fair.

I am sorry I cannot write a lot today it was the worst day for a few weeks. No happy photos today.

I went to the hospital expecting to get all clear results and discharge papers. It did not happen.

Four doctors took us into a private room with serious faces. They told us that the tumour cells had reproduced and Leo now had a 4cm tumour in his head. The doctors do not know what is best. Leo might not survive another operation, 2 major brain operations in 2 months is too much. The tumour is too big for radiotherapy or chemotherapy. They have send Leos reports to specialists all over Europe to decide what is best for him. They are speaking with the top people in these type of tumours. They told us it does not look good. They will fight for him but they may eventually have to say there are no more options left. They told me to enjoy the weekend with Leo at home and make the most of it and by the end of the week they would have a decision. They told me in the next 3/4 days nothing will happen to him but if he does vommit or have convulsions we have to go straight to the hospital.

I told the doctors Leo is a fighter, you thought he was blind and he is not, you thought he would die in hours and he didn´t so anything is possible. They did not sound hopeful at all as its a whole new ball game. I had to walk out of the room to break down as I couldn´t take it anymore.

I have been in tears all day. I really do not know what to do. Leo is smiling and happy, he is sitting up on his own now and he has no idea of the deadly tumour in his head. I told Sofia today that Leo had something bad again in his head and he had to go back to hospital, she is so smart. I had to tell her the truth, I told her that he might die but the doctors would do everything they could for him so he is not in pain. She has been very quiet but I will speak with her again tomorrow.

I do not know if me or Leo have the strength anymore to go through all of this again…..  once was enough….


2 thoughts on “Wednesday 28th October 2015- Giving up hope now….Life really is not fair.

  1. Be strong. The thoughts and prayers of many, many people are with you. Search the world for an answer if you have to, but never give up!


  2. If the care and thoughts could change things, everything would already be better. However know that you are all being held tightly in the thoughts and care of many and wrapped in love and positive thoughts. x


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